Day 1 BC or NOT BC

Today is the day I have been to the GP about a lump I have found near my breast in my armpit.

I will be documenting my story as I go along.  I feel I need somewhere to write about this and my blog is the ideal place.

I noticed this lump about a week ago.  Its very deep down in the armpit and I struggle to find it, but when I do it scares be to death!  I plucked up the courage to pop along and see my GP today…….it’s best to get these things checked.

After a good old grope, which was at times rather painful I must admit she found the lump and also said the tissue in the breast felt a little different to the other one…..something I hadn’t noticed so that may be nothing. She advised she make me an appointment at the breast clinic.

Ok so by now the real panic is starting to kick in.  I had sort have hoped she would say “ahhh thats nothing, off you go now”……I hadn’t really prepared myself for further investigation.

My appointment is on the 7th May and I counting the days already.  Apparently I will undergo a mammogram and an ultrasound.  If they suspect anything from those tests they will biopsy there and then too!  These tests won’t confirm any stage of cancer, but will confirm if its there.   Whoooaaa a lot of stuff all at once and really bloody scary.  Saying that, I’d prefer it that way than having to wait for days after.

So…..what am I feeling?  In all honesty my only real worry at this moment in time is my kids.  You do start fearing the worse.  I am a big believer in “what will be, will be” so I am not actually scared for me but I TERRIFIED for my children.  At only 6 and 4 its heartbreaking.

You’ll be thinking “she doesn’t even know if she has breast cancer (BC) yet and shes waffling on like this”.  Trust me faced with something like this is a huge eye opener and has knocked the wind out of me.

When I was 18 I had my first smear test and it turned out I had cervical cancer cells.  I had a diathermy loop excision on my cervix to remove the cells and have been clear ever since with yearly checks.  I remember the Doctor telling me all this and looking back I was so relaxed with the whole ordeal, I didn’t worry at all about any of it.  Thats the difference being 18 and free.  Being 37 with two young children is a whole different ball game, it makes the whole thought of “what if?” soul destroying.

Greek man is concerned too.  He has sat a lot of the day staring out the window.  He is worried, I can tell.  People often think of the patient but people need to think of those around the patient too.

NOTHING will be mentioned to my babies……I want them to stay selfish in their own little world.

I plan on using this blog as a bit of a diary of my feelings etc. along with all the usual drivel I blog about!

So there you go… 1 of BC OR NOT BC.  (yes you say that in a Shakespeare voice)